Who's your inner gay man?
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I know what you're thinking: David Bowie isn't gay! But you have to admit, he ain't exactly straight either. (Hello, "Labyrinth"?) Rather than squeeze yourself into a label, you screw with them until they're meaningless. What you're really good at is inciting confusion, but from the chaos rises clarity, and beauty. Your inner Bowie probably speaks to you in whispered urges to shout obscenities in church or talk to a complete stranger like you're old friends. Let his schizoid genius burst through every once in a while; it will make you seem more interesting. Promise.
Life update to come - I would do it now, but I have to go to dinner.